Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:8
Greetings, in the name of Jesus, from whom all blessings flow, to Him be all glory, honor, and praise. He is worthy and I constantly thank Him for delivering me out of the pit of Hell. I thank Him for giving me a testimony of deliverance. I am very glad to share my story with you.
In my teen years, I fell into immoral sins. I think I will share a few factors that I feel led to becoming involved in these sins. As a child, I was a pleasant-natured little girl, and was easy to get along with. Because of that, I seemed to be my brother’s pet. There were nine of us children and I remember my sisters being somewhat jealous of me. So I felt like I was a fairly good person.
At age 16,1 joined the youth, and after a while I started to feel like my friends didn’t quite accept me like I thought they should, which quickly put me in a pit of self-pity and low self esteem. I think it was because of this that I was easily drawn into immoral sins later on, because then I felt somewhat loved and accepted again. In my early teens I started getting romance novel books at the library that were very ungodly. Of course, I was very careful that my family did not see what kind of books I was reading, so I read mostly at night when everyone was sleeping. By reading these books my mind became very perverted and filled with lust, which was another reason I fell into sins later on.
Also at age 16,1 was baptized because it was the thing to do at that age, and I knew I’d get frowned upon if I didn’t. However, I did not have a relationship with God, and I remember feeling a bit resentful because I knew I was not ready to settle down and be a member of the church.
When I was 19, our family got acquainted with a taxi-driver who lived in the area. He was divorced. At the time I was looking for a regular driver to take me back and forth to work, and I asked him if he was willing to do it. This started somewhat of a relationship between us that lasted about a year.
It all started with immoral conversation, and I praise God that it did not advance much beyond that, but I still feel like maybe I was scarred for life. On the one hand, I hated the situation I was in and felt very guilty about it, but on the other hand, I loved it, because it made me feel loved and wanted.
In time, though, I grew desperate to get out, but I seemed powerless to do so. After about a year, God worked in my life, and He brought Philip into my life (who is now my husband) and then this other man became angry about that, and he just kind of dropped out of my life, which I feel was God’s way of delivering me from a very ungodly situation. Praise God!
In my courtship with Philip, I wanted to keep our courtship pure, but we were not born-again, and of course, in our own strength we had no power over sinful desires. During that time, I again lived in a maze of guilt and fear. Again, the Lord had mercy on me and He spared us. We did talk about the problem and Philip decided to confide in his mother, but her answer just burdened my heart even more. Instead of offering to pray for us, she admitted that she and dad had the same problem in their courtship.
After one year of courtship, Philip and I were married, that first summer was a fairly happy one, although I felt very guilty because we were living for ourselves, and we didn’t really include God in our lives. We hardly ever prayed and I still had a lot of guilt about my sinful past. I just did not know what to do with those sins, and whenever I thought of eternity I would panic, and I had a lot of fear. However, I knew how to confess my sins to God, and I did do that, time and time again, but I still had no peace.
I became desperate and started asking God to please let something happen, that would wake us up and so that we could find God. Again, God was faithful and answered my prayer. In the first year of our marriage, God blessed us with a little baby girl. She was healthy, except that she had a breathing problem. The problem was so severe that about two hours later she died. After that, God seemed closer to us for a while, but soon that just faded away again, and I still did not know what to do with my sins.
Years later, after the Nickel Mines school shooting, I became desperate again and decided that maybe if I would confess to the church, I would have peace. So we did confess. However, that did not do much to relieve my guilt before God, I still felt very dirty and condemned.
Then in July 2009, God opened the door for me. I started to listen to the Gospel messages that are available on the phone. There I heard the law, and how terrible sin is to God, but I also heard that “there is a way out” and that I need to confess and believe that the blood of Jesus is enough to cover my sins. As I listened to the many testimonies on the phone, I came upon one where the lady said, “Instead of always asking God to save me, I now thank Him that He did.” All of sudden a light bulb went on in my head. I thought,” You mean I can just give my sins to Jesus, and leave them there, and not worry about them anymore?” Of course, that is how it has to be done, but I just never before understood what the word “believe” meant. I always thought it meant believe that God is and that Jesus was born and died on the cross. I did not know it meant to believe (by faith) that Jesus washed away my sins, and that I can, and will go to heaven someday. If I do not believe that, I am an unbeliever and the Bible says I will perish in the lake of fire.
After God made that clear to me, I fell to my knees in complete brokenness and contrition. I confessed ail my sins to God once again, but this time I also believed. I very well knew it would not be easy after all those years of doubt.
So, while I was still on my knees, I begged God to give me a sign. I said, God, I am not getting up until you show me that MY sins are covered by the blood of Jesus. And so quick, God did a miracle, all of a sudden, in my minds eye, I saw a flow of blood, and I knew it was the blood of Jesus washing away MY sins.
I marvel at the rich mercy of God. Instead of showing me only a drop of blood, He showed me a flow of blood, and that it was more than enough to cover all my sins! After that experience, I had peace like I never experienced before. I was no longer afraid to think of eternity and what will happen after this life. I now love to think about eternity! I praise God that He gave me freedom from the bondage that I was in, and that he is also giving me the victory in other areas of my life as well. Now I do not feel that load of sin and guilt anymore. Praise God! Those sins are ALL washed away’ and I am born again!
Now today two and one half years later my Husband and I love the Lord very much and are endeavoring to raise our children (by the grace of God) in the admonition of the Lord. We have a vision that our children will also grow up to love the Lord Jesus and in humility serve Him forever.
My deepest desire is that all the glory & honor would go to God and not to us. I thank the Lord Jesus for bringing us to this point in our lives, and I say thank-you to all the ones that were praying for us throughout this time.
I will close with Paul’s words in Philippians 1:23-25
- For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better:
- Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.
- And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith;
— Esther Peachey In honor of my parents and family the names in this testimony were changed.